Forbidden Love Affair - Poem

Forbidden to love, to lust, to touch, to kiss, to sniff, to live, to breathe....but I desire love....

The as-ifs come into play, the wonders, the maybe's, the only ifs, the change, the conform, the chance...but I desire love...

But the reality sets in and the realization hits and you know it'll never be, but the fire still burns, infatuation grows stronger, and all I can say and think about is.....but I desire love....

I believe God has meant for me to be alone, punished for bad choices and decisions, I cannot allow others to sacrifice their life for the sake of me, I'm not worth eternal death....but indeed I desire love...

I suppose I desire the things I can not have, the things that aren't supposed to be touched, the forbidden fruit from the top of the tree, the orange leaves in the fall versus the green leaves in the spring. So why do I seek what I can not have, why do I seek what doesn't belong to me....

Because I desire love.

CiCi Rayne

© 2017 CiCi Rayne ǁ All Rights Reserved

I can't take the pain - Poem

I can’t take the pain 

By CiCi Rayne 

For it is far too deep, I’m reaching for a life jacket, praying that somebody will save me. Does he even know the feeling that is flowing through me, because I just can’t take the pain. 

It’s like a noose around my neck, with every breath that I take, it’s getting harder by the minute, trying not to be a baby but I can’t take the pain. 

It feels like I’m dying a slow painful death, he might as well walk right through because the footprints are like a faded happy memory, they disappear and reappear but what’s left?  Just step right over me because I can’t move simply because I can’t take the pain. 

Tis better to love than to never love at all, I totally disagree, because I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy. This mask on my face appears every day, I disguise it really well but the reality is, I can’t take the pain. 

Do I disregard all that my eyes have seen, all that my ears have heard, all that my heart has felt, so I can have a piece of mind and take what’s left, because I can’t take the pain. 

How do I move on, forgive like I’m supposed to, forget like I should, overlook like my ancestors, love as if nothing has happened, be happy because God makes no mistakes, but I can’t take the pain. 

But God my husband is for me, but I feel betrayed, tell me I’m wrong, tell me I’m being foolish, tell me to get over it, but heal my broken heart because I can’t take the pain. 

Tell me the devil is using trickery, tell me I’m being nosy, tell me to stay in my lane, tell me my husband loves me, tell me his love is forever, because I can’t take the pain. 

Lord, dry my eyes, I’ve cried a river, hold my head up because I can’t find the strength, bathe me because I could care less, comb my hair because it doesn’t really matter, raise my children because my thoughts are all over the place, help me O’ Lord because I can’t take the pain. 

You said you would never leave me nor forsake me and I need you now more than ever, you know my heart and I know you love me but I beg for your touch because I can’t take the pain. 

© 2017 CiCi Rayne ǁ All Rights Reserved